What You Shouldn't Get Your Dog for Christmas

1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs.

2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month.

3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair.

4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall units that are barely up to cooling a small close-size area in your house.

5. Anything Garfield.

6. A remote control for the refrigerator door.

7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle.

8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag.

9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you.

10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year.

11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door.

12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so much during retakes that he actually gains weight.

13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear.

14. His own Internet Pet Supplies credit card.

15. A cat.